Hey guys. At first, pls excuse my english, as i am not a native speaker.
At halloween, i went out on E for the second time in my life. The night was great, and even the day after was fine, felt tired etc., but it was ok. However, a few days (maybe a week) later i started to feel a bit strange. During the day i felt a mild lack of concentration, and in the evening i also felt a bit uncomfortable. Unfortunately, these symptomes got worse and worse over the following weeks, finally resulting in a panic attack on the 20th of december. I also have to add that i felt pretty stressed during that time, as i'm a student of physics and take it quite serious, what resulted in a general lack of sleep, and, maybe more important, i lost my day/night-rhythm. So it could also be some sort of Burnout, but this is definetely not the first time i experience that kind of stress. also, its holiday-time now, and i still feel like shit (see below)
So, from this one day to now i suffer from a wide variety of psychic problems:
- weird mood swings including feelings of depression, aggresiveness, and from time to time even mild euphoria(wtf?). sometimes changing from one to another every minute
- sudden surges of emotion
- sleep problems
- phases of anxiety
- heavy concentration-problems
- feelings of pressure in chest or stomach
- dyzziness and derealizationproblems
- cold and hot flushs
I usually feel better in the evening. I think i can say, most days i feel almost back to normal then. During the days, every of these (and more) symptoms come and go COMPLETELY random during the day, and i'm absolutely desperate now.
After new years eve i started to stay away from all drugs, caffeine and alkohol (well there was 1 day now where i drank. but thats stopped now aswell), i go to bed early, i go to the gym 3 days a week (doing that anyway), and i go out for a walk every freaking day for at least an hour, but... well. I dont feel any better. What am i supposed to do? could it be that i would have been able to prevent this mess if i would have directly postload with 5-htp? what about creatine, im using it for a while now. could it cause problems?
Unfortunately, i have to wait for march until i can see the psychiatrist. Im taking st. john's wort right now but...well. Dont think it will help. Also, 5-htp is very unpopular where i live (germany), so its not really an option. Also, it may interfere with st. john's, what i now decided to try first (a neurologist told me to do so).
Short note about me:
My entire life (im 20 now) i suffered from what i now know seemed to be a very mild anxiety disorder. From time to time, i had to worry about different bad things that could happen to me, like diseases and so on. But it never really affected me, i thought it to be a negligible little neurosis, if at all. Like, fuck it, nobody is perfect. I'd also say the older i got, the more it vanished. At least, it would've never come to my mind that it could be the sign of a hidden depression/major anxiety disorder/whatever is linked to problems in the serotoninerg system.
The first Time i took E, i experienced similar problems: The oncoming stress hit me really hard(was the last holiday), resulting in a irritable bowel syndrome and also some feelings of depression, anger and stuff. Interestingely, it completely disappeared after several months and i thought it was because i was just overwhelmed by the drastic contrast of the MDMA-sensation and all this studying-shit. Seems like i was wrong : (
However, back then it was way better than how i feel now and I'd give every fucking thing i have in order to feel like that again. It's a nightmare every day, and i just cant understand it. What is this shit? Do i really have a hidden depression? I would've never thought of that. But how can 2 freakin nights on E, with a 6 months break in between, cause so much problems? I never experienced this, not with weed, not with gbl, and not with cocaine. But i could also always handle stress without problems.
Edited by lalala (02/01/10 06:29 PM)