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#204286 - 01/19/10 05:10 AM The "magic" seems to be gone? Anyone else?
redalert3 Offline
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Registered: 01/19/10
Posts: 5
Loc: San Diego
I've done ecstasy about 15 times in my life- the first 10-12 times were AMAZING, life changing, positive experiences (no exageration)....everything was beautiful...

...Then, I took some tested, confirmed mdma tabs at an event and experienced a "come up" of EXTREME anxiety, a sense of despair, severe nervousness...I eventually felt "leveled out", and a little bit peaceful and happy, but it was extremely mild and not anything as bright and happy and euphoric as before....I dropped my usual amount of pills (about 3-4)...

I took 3 months off, and then the next experience was similar...a come up of anxiety, a lack of feeling "at place" no matter where I went, and then a mild, slightly more pleasant roll.

...Then I take some "molly" powder (confirmed legit, pure mdma) on my birthday, and have a similar but not as bad experience....I felt like I was "checked out" for the evening, unable to really have fun...but I rolled a bit for a couple hours. Granted, I didn't have much...but still.

[size:11pt]Has mdma "stopped working the same" for anyone?[/size]

Is there a way of getting intense pleasure out of it again?

Has anyone experienced extreme anxiety and a sense of despair and fear when they take a pill?

I have friends who have severely abused MDMA and still roll like it's their second time....but I feel like for some reason, my brain chemicals have started responding differently to MDMA- not a resistance, but almost like an opposite effect. frown

Any advice?

I had some really beautiful realizations that made my mind truly open up and prioritize the right things and people in my life- maybe thats what I'll get to take out of the few experiences I've had, but I'd really love to continue being able to roll every now and then and have a great time with it again.

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#204288 - 01/22/10 02:17 AM Re: The "magic" seems to be gone? Anyone else? [Re: redalert3]
Err Offline


Harm Reduction Geek

Registered: 12/09/02
Posts: 3848
Loc: Tir na Nog
http://www.erowid.org/chemicals/mdma/mdma_effects_lossofmagic1.shtml

It's not uncommon. I'm in the same boat. I took several years off, the experience was the same afterwards.

There is discussion in older threads here and on various other drug forums about how one might try to recover, rolling with newbies, supplements etc. There is a tantalising comment from the Shulgins, that hypnotherapy might help. I have some feeling that I have a mental block.
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#204296 - 01/28/10 04:56 AM Re: The "magic" seems to be gone? Anyone else? [Re: Err]
redalert3 Offline
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Registered: 01/19/10
Posts: 5
Loc: San Diego
You took several years off, and it felt "magical" again after your hiatus? That gives me some hope-- it's a bummer because all the friends I party with, seem to feel amazing like it's their first time- for me, it's been a very "panicky" come up, and I've actually had friends leave with me so we could just hang out at home so I felt safe. I plan to take a few months (over 4), and see how I do when the summer parties start up again.

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#204309 - 02/07/10 07:18 PM Re: The "magic" seems to be gone? Anyone else? [Re: redalert3]
Err Offline


Harm Reduction Geek

Registered: 12/09/02
Posts: 3848
Loc: Tir na Nog
I'm afraid I meant the opposite, it didn't really improve to the way things were when I started. But maybe it is just a phase I was in? It has been several years since I last tried.

Maybe a party environment is not the best place for you to use while you're in this funk? A home environment with a few close friends can be interesting too, and possibly deeper in some ways.
_________________________
"That your normal state of consciousness and mine are quite similar to that of all other normal men
is an almost universal assumption, albeit one of questionable validity." ~ Charles Tart

www.isss.org/primer/primer.htm


Addicted to Knowing

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#204313 - 02/09/10 02:42 AM Re: The "magic" seems to be gone? Anyone else? [Re: Err]
blue eyed devil Offline
sane is just crazy on a lunchbreak
veteran

Registered: 05/12/06
Posts: 1521
Loc: that place, you know the one.....
Agreed. Try switching up your setting a bit. If you've had a negative experience in one setting but keep using in that same setting then chances are all you'll be thinking about is how horrible it was for you the last time you were in that situation, instead of focusing on having a great time.

"Losing the magic" does happen though, no matter what you do. While I personally still have really good experiences, they are nowhere near the level of the experiences I had almost 9 years ago. Now I just relax and focus on the experience I'm GOING to have, and not the experience I WANT to have. Just can't force something to happen that's not there.

Try not to worry too much. Take some time off if that's what you feel will help and give it another shot when you feel ready. Who knows? You may still surprise yourself yet smile
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#204323 - 02/12/10 01:30 AM Re: The "magic" seems to be gone? Anyone else? [Re: blue eyed devil]
redalert3 Offline
Lurker

Registered: 01/19/10
Posts: 5
Loc: San Diego
I think changing environment is a good suggestion....my plan is to take several months off e again, and revisit it at home with my boyfriend. I've never not rolled at a club...it's been at extremely crowded clubs and events each time. I'm also just considering switching "party drugs"- I've only done e and drank, but I might very carefully try something less tempermental...or maybe just stick with alcohol and move on....

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#204347 - 02/27/10 11:21 PM Re: The "magic" seems to be gone? Anyone else? [Re: redalert3]
redalert3 Offline
Lurker

Registered: 01/19/10
Posts: 5
Loc: San Diego
UPDATE: Though I planned to try E again in the security of my own home after doing some meditation and work on my own mind through thought process etc.... I was at an event and my boyfriend picked up some well reviewed pokeballs. I decided to cautiously eat a quarter of the pill, and see how I felt. Just a littttle bit happy- so I made the choice to swallow the rest of it. MAGIC! I had an amazing roll =) (which was helped by consuming a second pill later that evening)...

But I will say this- my roll was euphoric and relaxing, but not nearly as mindblowing and eye-opening as when I first started. I think that's just it - it's rare for us to re-gain that first few times experience, and I have come to peace with the fact that I can still enjoy E (if I find the right pill and work on my own state of mind to enjoy it as it happens), but I can't strive for a particular experience to re-occur or happen again. My first 4-7 times were life changing, eye opening and severely positive to put it even mildly.

I hope my sharing this journey can help others in a similar predicament. For some, the answer may simply be to take more than 6 months off, or stop altogether.

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#204348 - 02/28/10 07:44 AM Re: The "magic" seems to be gone? Anyone else? [Re: redalert3]
blue eyed devil Offline
sane is just crazy on a lunchbreak
veteran

Registered: 05/12/06
Posts: 1521
Loc: that place, you know the one.....
Good! Sometimes that's all it takes, one good experience to put all the "bad" ones in perspective. Enjoy what you had and enjoy what experiences you still have. Now that you know you can't get those first 4-7 times back, doesn't that make them all the more special?

Glad you were able to get everything figured out smile
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